Author Archives: Raj Mali

A Coach & Group Dialogue Facilitator (Both Online & Offline) Co-Founder at www.RedWisdom.in An India-based leadership coaching and consulting firm Lover of Books, Films, Tantra, Music, Travel, Cappuccinos & Free-flowing conversations Nowadays mostly at home...doing online and sometimes off-line in person Therapeutic Coaching Sessions. Enjoys attending to his love life, parents, friends, books and pets when not working... Author of Two Whatever Books "Be Love" and "Pointers to NowHere" P.s. - These Whatever Books are "Sometimes" available on Kindle or his website www.rajmali.com

“That’s Interesting” – Seth Godin

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Last week, I was watching a video on Marie TV. Marie was interviewing Seth Godin. And something he said caught my attention. It’s not path breaking of any sorts, but the timing and the place from which he spoke, spoke to me.

This is exactly what he said.

When there is a disappointment or setback, we can be mindful, we can be present, we can breathe. And we can say…”Aha that’s interesting”

I think it might be quite interesting, if we really begin to wonder more. Rather than cry, crib and complain with each disappointment and setback. Because on the longer journey of lifestyle change, its better to remain curious rather than reach a judgement about oneself or the other…just a little thought…for reflection :))

New Sessions = Therapy + Coaching + Play + Long term mentoring

In last few years, as an individual and also as a professional in Coaching and Mentoring space, I personally went through many changes as well as transitions. To be honest, I realized that coaching and motivation alone doesn’t help beyond a point. I personally went through breakdowns as well as some miraculous breakthroughs.

Last 5 years, were quite tough yet it was a very rewarding journey. I like to believe, I have become richer in experience as well as in self knowledge. I could see my own rough edges and thankfully was surrounded by very authentic and honest friends and family members, who were kind with their honest feedback as well as support. I went through deep losses as well as deep spaces of grieving, loosing as well as overcoming and making peace with “what is”. Some days it felt as if I am in an abyss with no end. And sometimes a simple “creative morning routine” was enough to lift my spirits and get me back to my work.

It introduced me to various “therapy” modalities. Some traditional and some quite new and unheard of. It humbled me as well as taught me to reconstruct myself. Especially, experimenting with various art, play & creative movement therapies. Some of them literally brought me to my knees and down to the present moment, from which I could gather pieces and rebuild myself.

I personally saw the uselessness of “compensatory ambitions” (will write about it in another post) in myself as well as some of those whom I coached and mentored in last few years. The mad pursuit of money and career goals were quite empty in many cases. The realization that simply achieving goals is not enough, we need something more to experience a richer experience of life led to many changes in my personal life, relationships as well as my work, specifically in my sessions.

After supporting many, during last year’s epic pandemic ridden uncertain times, I somehow realized that my sessions with people have changed. Somehow a bit of all that I have learnt and integrated over last decade is now flowing through these sessions seamlessly.

Many of you have been asking about the sessions I do now. The personal “one-to-one” sessions online or over the phone. And all I can say now, that its a creative mix of what I have learnt and integrated in my daily life. Which not only helped me personally but also my clients who have been regular with these sessions. If you want to book a session or know more about what you can gain from those, do reach out by email. My email I’d is 1.raj.mali@gmail.com

Kindly note, due to the current situation, the sessions slots get filled very fast. So if sometimes we can’t schedule a session immediately and require a few days or weeks time, I would like to urge you to be patient. I do only 4 sessions a day due to some back end work as well as home chores like getting groceries, sometimes cleaning and also tending to my family and my pets.

Why play?

Learn to play with your life, with your questions, with your friends, with your children, with your lovers, with your ideas, but most importantly learn to play with yourself too.

When you play well, you slowly realise you live well.

Just remember it’s just a play, not a conquest or competition to win. When it simply remains a play you get a lot done, you live more and when you are leaving, you can go with a smile on your lips.

Keep playing. All the best.

Rebuilding the world

A father was trying to read the newspaper, but his little son kept pestering him. Finally, the father grew tired of this and, tearing a page from the newspaper – one that bore a map of the world – he cut it into several pieces and handed them to his son.

‘Right, now you’ve got something to do. I’ve given you a map of the world and I want to see if you can put it back together correctly.’

He resumed his reading, knowing that the task would keep the child occupied for the rest of the day. However, a quarter of an hour later, the boy returned with the map.

‘Has your mother been teaching you geography?’ asked his father in astonishment.

‘I don’t even know what that is,’ replied the boy. ‘But there was a photo of a man on the other side of the page, so I put the man back together and found I’d put the world back together too.

– Author Unknown

Continue reading “Rebuilding the world”

Confessions of a Corporate Mystic #1

There r some who do the needful and some who don’t. But rest keep wondering. Should I? Shouldn’t i? That’s where the energy, enthusiasm n creativity goes down the drain. And am talking about a lot of people here. 🙂

The ability to decide and move with decisions is at times the only element that creates authentic & powerful leaders. Rest keep wondering.

#dothenew #moveforward #decidenow

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1 day at a time…

one-day-at-a-timeAll leaders, artists, moms, dads and young lads, at times fall.

And when we fall our mind does either of two things. It gets filled with reactivity or it moves to forced passivity.

But among the best whom i have coached, i learnt, they have this unique ability to take things one day at a time, especially when they have failed or fallen flat on their face due to any of their life challenge.

When i fought with my lowest phase of life, this kinda became a phrase to live by. Found it useful and hence sharing.

If you are going through the low, go through it. One day at a time. The more you can endure the pain that results from a fall in any area of life, the more you can rise higher the next time you take on a new dream. This is a bitter sweet secret may be no one will tell you, but something you might want to see through your own experience and realization. Take care of yourself. Especially if you are reading thing and going through a low phase. One day at a time. Just decide what do you want to do today. Forget tomorrow. Forget yesterday. Just stay focused on today. All the best.

Focus only on the essentials…

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Top ten Red Wisdom tips for getting more done and getting back to family in time.

1. Cut the crap.

2. Shorten and cut out verbose emails.

3. Keep ppts to 5 slides.

4. Ask questions.

5. Listen more.

6. Play with your kids.

7. Play with your team.

8. Hug generously.

9. Ask what exactly you need.

10. Clarify your needs to yourself first.

Simplify your life. See more. Experience more. Share more. But essentially live your truth.

You got less time than you imagine. Whatever it is, get done with it. Soon.

In deep relationships, learning never ends

pema chodronOn the path of self awareness, it is foolish to assume that whatever we have learnt about ourselves, is final. We are part of the ever evolving universe and it is only natural that we will continue to grow and evolve.

Some phase of the evolution will be easy. It will feel like a cake walk, and some phase might also piss you off.

Personally, i feel on the path of self knowledge, relationships serve as mirrors. They reflect back to us parts of ourselves that are disowned, hidden or suppressed. This process can be extremely painful, but if you stay on course, you will find gems.

The truth is during a difficult time, in any relationship, one learns most about oneself. If during such times, the energy goes towards blame and guilt, it normally creates a wall around us. We then either don’t want to interact with others or we submerge ourselves in alcohol or binge parties, social media distractions or any distraction that can help us feel momentarily better. Without realizing, we start an unconscious process of shutting ourselves down. Which eventually hurts us even more.

So here are 4 tips that can help during such difficult times. You can use them to learn more about yourself and the issue that is surfacing in your deep relationships. Especially during the challenging phase of the relationship. Do not run away if you need to face and own up some difficult truths. Because whatever you are trying to run away from will catch you sooner or later. The self knowledge that you gain during such time is extremely precious on the path of knowing yourself and honoring your deepest potential. If you are going through such time, i wish you peace and hope that these simply tips might help

1. Feeling through the difficult feelings physically.

This might be overwhelming at times. Just to sit and be with the difficult emotions. Take all awareness to the body and feel exactly where you are feeling the hurt, the pain, the fear n anxiety such times bring forth. Simply feel through it, breathe through it. Whatever you can feel through without reacting externally, eventually you will be able to heal through fully.

2. Allow time

We are surrounded by a culture that focuses on quick fixes. People have trained themselves to put on a smile, while deep inside there is a churning happening. I know it is also important to continue doing your work or paying attention to your responsibilities. But curbing doesn’t help in the long run. If you can allow yourself some time of the day or days to simply stay with difficult feelings, eventually peace and sanity returns.

3. Walk in nature

One of the thing that works for me often is simply heading out. A little away from the city and either taking a walk or simply sitting in nature. The silence and peace that one can find, by simply sitting by a tree for sometime at times does the trick to slow down our hyperactive mind and sentiments. Also gazing at vast open spaces, sunsets, sun rises also slowly gives us an awareness of our inherent smallness in this infinite universe. Sometimes that realization can allow us to be little kinder to ourselves as well as others.

4. Avoid talking and explaining to others who are not the part of the issue

It is important that during times of intense upheaval in any relationship, you do not communicate with people who have no idea about the situation or who doesn’t know the gravity. At times such conversations, make you simplify the issue temporarily but you miss deeper realizations at times. If you are gifted with friends, counsellors or therapists trained to simply listen to you, then it can help. But do not expect solutions from them. At times, issues become more grave when you pick and apply solutions that may backfire and make situations worse. The truth between two people in any deep relationship can never be fully understood and comprehended by anyone from outside. Yes, friends and therapists can lend you an ear during difficult times, but do not share to find solutions from them. Share so that you find solutions and insights during the act of sharing.

Because the truth is somewhere deep inside, you always know the answers. It just takes time to reach there.

Hope this helps. Stay strong. Stay grounded.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Peace in. Peace out.